I took a brief vacation from this blog for several reasons, many of which pertain to the theme of this blog. I had been going down a hill that just seemed to never end and the bottom was no where in sight. I was trying so hard to jump out and quit “the game”, but I was sucked in and there was no escape.
Or so I thought. I ended up doing a bit of research and spoke with my therapist and found that there was a program called Adult Day Treatment. Let me tell you, I did a lot of self talk-some of it good a lot of it was trying to talk myself out of going. Giving in to another form of mental therapy would be like waving the white flag. I was way past waving any sort of flag. I needed help. Any and all kinds of help.
I started in January and just finished the program. There were a few hiccups along the way, but I was determined. I was determined to get off this hill. I didn’t want to see the bottom. I had been close enough that I knew there was nothing I could do on my own. I had to do something.
So much of my journey at the beginning had to do with accepting my disease. Really the journey has turned out to be more than that. It has been a journey to accept me for who I am. I am beginning to really like me. I have a lot of great qualities. Hey, I am not perfect, but there is no perfect.
What I have found is that I have been trying so hard to fit in where I don’t necessarily need to fit in. I am an introverted person who enjoys my time alone. I found this great quote by John Mayer. It might not be exact but this is how I remember it. “Don’t be afraid to walk alone. Don’t be afraid to like it”. I do like walking alone-not all the time, but I don’t mind being alone. I like it. No, I love it. I really love being able to walk in our woods with my dog, just walking and listening, looking for new things. I like being piece of the world around me without excessive noise. I like me.
I will be back, but I don’t want to fill pages and pages about my journey over the past four months because it is just too much.
A Journey of Acceptance With A Chronic Disease 