Fibromyalgia likes to kick you when you are down. Or up. Or in the middle of the day when you are feeling great, there fibro is ready to make your skin feel like it is crawling. Or in the middle of the night, it wakes you up with pain in your legs and there isn’t much you can do besides try to fall back asleep.
Now when you decide to change up things a little. Do some extra exercises. Change your diet. Man, that is when fibro decides to fly down, or up, and slam you with a migraine, or joint pain. Whatever. Do you push ahead and continue with changes, or do you give in and let fibro when.
What I guess I am saying is that fibro, as it’s own entity, hates change. Fibro hates change so much that it will do anything to get you to revert back to your old ways.
I am not reverting. I am trying to push forward. I am not going to give in to fibro’s problems with me trying to change. I know there are times when you have to give in. When you have to say “I’ve gone too far today, I better stop” because you know the dragon fibro is right around the corner thinking about using it’s fire breath.
Like I said before, I am uncomfortable in my body. I feel like I am at post-pregnancy weight, but the last baby I had was 7 and a half years ago. I just want to feel comfortable in my clothes. I don’t want to buy new clothes, I just want to fit into the ones I have now.
I want to feel okay going to water aerobics and not use my insecurity allow me to turn around and not go. I want to feel good in a swimsuit.
In no way am I at the point that if I was thinner I would be happier. Well, I would be happier because I wouldn’t be uncomfortable. But I also want to improve my health. I want my joints to have less weight to carry. I don’t need to be at my fighting weight from high school. I just want to feel comfortable.
It’s been a while since I have written here. I have been walking a new world. Not one without hurt or without pain. One that I have the tools to overcome speed bumps and not create these speed bumps into towering walls.
I have been on so many medications, which I am sure with anyone with a chronic illness knows all too well. Fortunately, I have been able to ween myself off, with my doctors’ approval, several medications.
Unfortunately, one of the medications I was taking had this nasty side-effect. It’s called weight gain. I have gained roughly fifteen pounds over the course of six months, not including the weight I have gained since starting the medication a year ago.
I kept trying to tell myself that I was shrinking my clothes in the washing machine, but that only lasts so long. The scale doesn’t lie. Not being able to fit in 75% of my clothes is a pretty telltale sign.
I am so uncomfortable physically. I took a pregnancy test because I was hoping that was the reason I was gaining weight. I didn’t really want to have a baby, but at least then I would know why I was gaining weight.
My doctor informed me that no, it wasn’t pregnancy, but a little blue pill that was causing my metabolism to slow down to the point of nonexistence. She tells me, as this little petite cutie, that in a few months, my body will be back to normal.
I need a jumpstart. So, it begins. I am so very good at beginning things. So very bad at following through. But there is hope. There is hope because of the way I feel physically. The way my body feels every day. The way it feels to wear clothes that use to be loose and are now tight and uncomfortable.
Wish me luck in this adventure. A jumpstart. A new start. A beginning.
I decided to do a liver cleanse because I had read about how much our livers actually do. I didn’t realize that our livers complete over 500 functions. Amazing! Our livers can get congested just like traffic, so why not do a little cleaning of the liver.
It’s pretty simple. It takes six days. The first five days you drink one liter of apple juice-I try to buy the apple juice that is pressed and is not from concentrate. I also drink my apple juice with water. I cannot believe how sweet apple juice actually is!
Anyway, I am on day 3. The apple juice really helps to get things moving, no more constipation here! There are a lot of other liver cleanses that require you to take funny things, or eat weird things, or drink weird tea. I like this one because it is so simple.
The book is called : The Simple Liver Cleanse Formula: Detox Your Body, Eliminate Toxins, And Feel Like a Superhuman by Jennifer Hayes
I don’t know about the superhuman part, but it is helping with flushing my body as I spend more time in the restroom then normal. The part I am a little apprehensive about is the the 6th day. That is when you have to drink water with Epsom Salt. I just don’t know how that is going to go, but I guess I will find out.
On a totally different subject, I figured out that I am allergic to milk and all dairy. That really sucks because I love cheese and drinking milk. However, if I continue eating dairy, my body has real issues. I have also found that my acne flares up when I eat or drink dairy. I guess I will just have to make another change!
Cheers with my glass of apple juice/water! I am hopeful that it will help me!
It’s been a week now, and so far, I think The New Style is working. I have found that I actually do like to eat oatmeal without butt loads of brown sugar. And I can eat Greek yogurt and not gag. And I don’t need to graze all day long in order to feel full. I also don’t need to drink Coke all day.
I have found this really great tea that I like to drink, both hot and cold. Sometimes I add a little honey, but most of the time, I have it plain. I drink it all day long. It’s ginger peach black tea, from the company Revolution. Love it!
I just wish the results would happen ASAP! I wish that this hip pain would go away. I wish that my kids would just get along.
I just imagined that the Beastie Boys were saying that while I typed it.
But I am going to try to begin a new style. A new style in eating. More veggies and fruits. No processed crap. I guess you could call it clean eating, but I am going to call it The New Style.
I have been going through some really rough times. My legs hurt so damn bad all of the time. What is the worst part is that it is mainly my hips-standing up from a chair makes me look and feel like an 85 year old woman. They are probably actually having an easier time then me getting out of my chair, but what can you do?
I started yoga, which feels great, but I have yet to see any really benefits. I shouldn’t say “see”, I should say feel.
Normally, and I am guessing at this, but I would think a lot of people with chronic pain would love to be “normal”, go back to before the chronic pain started. At this point, I would love to go back to last year. That was hard, but this is like quicksand. Everything I do just gets me more and more stuck. Stuck in the muck.
We’ll see. Maybe a combination of yoga and The New Style will help me to at the very least get back to the way I felt last year at this time. Crossing fingers and toes.
Since about January, I have had these new symptoms. They are reeking havoc on my body and my mind. I was beginning to feel good about myself. I felt like I was definitely turning a corner.
Fortunately, I don’t tell myself that I deserve this pain. I don’t tell myself that I must have done in the past. So I guess I did turn that corner, mostly. It haunts me in the deepest part of my mind, always lurking, but not always present.
My legs have been in serious, severe, nearly debilitating pain that is new. It’s in my bones, my joints and my muscles. I feel like I am being stabbed so many times. This is an atypical fibro flare. Not only because of the new pain, but also because it has lasted for six months. Six freaking months of hiding behind a pinched smile and pretending I am fine.
On top of it, my skin is constantly feeling as though it wants to crawl off my body. A thousand pins, hot and burning, fills my skin as well.
I am hoping that I can find an answer. I am hoping that there is something new. Something else that is causing my pain. Maybe it is just something in my back. Maybe it’s not.
All I can think is that I have bone cancer. I haven’t done the WebMD thing. I haven’t looked up bone cancer, well maybe I have, but there are so many results that it overwhelms me, so I didn’t read anything.
Anyway, wish me luck. I am hoping that I can get answers soon.
For a few years, my doctor has been urging me to try yoga (and water exercise). I have repeatedly ignored her requests with pitiful excuses.
Today, I decided to look on youtube and see what I could find. I tried the first one that popped up.
I decided to do the yoga at home because, well, I am sort of a loner. Anyway, it was 20 minutes long and there was only a few poses done. However, it was not as stressful on my body as other yoga I have done.
I’m not going to lie, there were times when I had some severe pain, especially in my hips-but that is a story in itself. Otherwise, I found this video to be really relaxing. It helped to clear my head of worries and find peace, if only for a short time.
I am not unlike many people with a chronic illness. I have A LOT of stressers in my life, one of which is money. I don’t qualify for disability because my husband makes too much money. I can’t work at certain jobs because there is just too much repetitive movements.
I’m getting off track.
My goal in doing yoga at home is to eventually start going to Gentle Yoga at our local gym. I have been really hesitant because, well, I am a loner (which also means I have few if any friends and people kind of scare me). I am going to try some of the other yoga videos on youtube. I let you all know what I think about each one, and maybe a few of you can try them, or tell me what works for you!
I think I have backtracked quite a bit lately. I don’t know why, but everything just seems worse. Fibro flares have been fairly consistent, and I can’t pin it on one thing.
Usually the pain is in my muscles-or soft tissue. But lately it has been in my joints, making it unbearable to get up from a chair, or change positions. I feel like I am 100, not 38. I am not sure what to do about it. I started walking to see if that would help-because movement is suppose to help, right? Walking almost makes it worse. Maybe I just need to get over some hump in which the walking will prove to be helpful in the long run.
But this sucks! There is a reason I call all of this the suckiness. Because it all sucks. I’m tired all the time, I just can’t seem to get the brain moving. I am constantly forgetting things, mixing up words, and being stuck when I want to say something, but the words are just stuck in transmission.
Maybe it will all pass. Maybe I will wake up one day with an extra spring in my step. Maybe….. It is so hard to stay positive with the suckiness. So hard.
So, yesterday, I over did it.
And I knew it. I knew I would be paying for it today and beyond, but I pushed myself and worked much too hard for much too long.
I thought for sure I would have been snoring like a log, but instead, I laid there, wide awake with no sniff of sleep in the air at all.
I think this might be the counter swing to over doing it. Where normal, or people without a chronic illness, can work hard all day, and end up having a great night of sleep. Instead, when I over do it, I don’t sleep at all.
I’m just putting out there: Does this happen to you?
I recently applied for Social Security Disability because, well, working-I don’t know whether I am afraid, or if I just have so many problems speaking properly.
Anyway, applied for and was denied on both SSDI and SSI. Denied for SSDI because I didn’t have enough work credits. I have been doing daycare for the past three and a half years, but that doesn’t count apparently. Denied for SSI because my husband makes too much money. With SSI, they take your gross monthly income, not what your actual take home pay is.
To me, it is a little ridiculous. I mean, I fit the criteria with two exceptions-They just happen to be two major exceptions. I don’t know if I should contact a lawyer or not. Some have suggested having a representative. I just don’t know what to do.